On Having a Life

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blogging for this news flash:  IT IS NOT A CRIME TO ENJOY WEDDING PLANNING.

As many of you know, I recently joined the Formspring revolution, which seems to have taken the blogging world by storm lately.  [Side Note:  Go ask me your own questions here!]  I think it can be a fun and interesting way to get to know people; however, I just recently had a question that I deemed to be a bit “snarky,” which led to this blog post. 

As you all know, I am a planner. I am a Type-A Organizational Freak, all the way—and wedding planning has allowed me to let my proverbial freak flag fly. I. LOVE. IT. For whatever reason, though, it seems as though some people in my life find this hard to believe. Hence this question on my Formspring account (parts bolded by me for emphasis):

Many people expect you to suffer at some point from a post-planning depression (almost like post-partum, if you will) as this wedding planning has taken up a very large portion of your life. How do you see yourself dealing with that, if at all?

At first, I was a bit shocked by the question—and what struck me most was not that the person asking thought I was going to suffer from post-wedding depression, but that they thought wedding planning was my entire life. The line “many people expect you” led me to think this was someone who knew me, but the term “a very large portion of your life” made me second guess that because I feel anyone who knows me knows that wedding planning is but a small—albeit very important—part of my life right now. I think people tend to ask thinly-veiled snarky questions like this because they’ve been brought up with the notion—and indeed, it seems our culture has engrained in them—that all brides are crazy, stressed out bridezillas who simply can’t live after the wedding. Um, hello? Reality check?

We are having a very long engagement (23 months when all is said and done) and I sometimes feel as though “bride” is all anyone ever thinks of me anymore. You can go here to read my whole answer to the Formspring question, but to paraphrase: I am more than my wedding, people. And just because you’ve been hard-wired to believe that all brides are stressed out freakish bridezilla people who can’t think, talk, or do anything else besides wedding plan does NOT mean that I am the same way. Can we quit with the assumptions already? Because guess what?! I lead a very full life aside from wedding planning.  Sure, I’m planning  a wedding.  But I also:  work full-time, teach ballet one (sometimes two) nights a week, participate in a monthly book club, work out at the gym 4-5 times per week, take Bikram yoga classes, ran a marathon last fall, spend quality time with my fiance, and have an active social life with friends and family.  What you see here, on my blog, is but a snippet of my life and who I am as a person.  So can we quit thinking that once my wedding is over I am going to be depressed?

News Flash: I CAN’T WAIT TO GET MARRIED! And be a wife! And go on a honeymoon! And buy a house! And have babies! But I am also excited to take a cooking class, brush up my foreign language skills, train for another marathon, read the classics, celebrate the holidays, get caught up on NetFlix, and do a gazillion other things that make me me. Will I be sad that the wedding is over? Sure, I bet I’ll be emotional about it…but will I be depressed because the wedding planning took over my life and I can no longer do it? Um, no. Because it hasn’t taken over my life, whether you think so or not. But I do feel as though I need to clarify something here: I ENJOY WEDDING PLANNING. And you know what? That’s ok!  I am tired of everyone making assumptions that it is my whole life, or that it’s an unhealthy obsession.  Guess what, people?  It’s OK for me to enjoy what I am doing, because this is the only time in my life I will get to do it. 

When we got engaged, I jumped head first into the role of bride/wedding planner. And I learned that I LOVE IT. Hence, my blog. It is a great way for me to share all of my cool ideas, join an awesome community of supportive and smart bridal bloggers and readers, and it also acts as a way for me to remember my planning and projects for posterity.

Just because I enjoy wedding planning and happen to write a blog about it does not mean that wedding planning is ALL of who I am. Yes, I write a blog about my wedding plans. No, there are not a lot of other topics on this blog. Why? Because it is a dedicated wedding planning blog.  Please don’t go assuming that just because I blog about the wedding on a regular basis, it means that all of the things you see here are all I do, think and talk about. Please don’t also assume that because I enjoy wedding planning means I am not working hard on my relationship with my fiancé, or that I am not concentrating enough on our future marriage. Blogging and wedding planning are just a small part of who I am and what I am about.

So listen to me, friends: it is not a crime for you to enjoy wedding planning. You are still a bride if you don’t get stressed out, if you laugh more than you cry, if you love checking off your checklist (hello, me!). It’s ok for you to love stationery, or flowers, or heck, even the bathroom baskets or whatever other little details float your boat. It’s awesome if you love to DIY. It’s awesome if you don’t. It is ok for you to love being the bride, being the planner, being the one in charge of it all. Because I know that you are also excited to marry the man or woman you love, the one you laugh with, the one you’ll be with for the long haul. Just because you’re having fun with the wedding planning doesn’t mean you don’t care about the marriage or what it means to be committed to someone else for the rest of your life. And just because you’re having fun with it doesn’t mean that it is all of who you are. I know—even if everyone around you doesn’t—that you are more than just a bride. And soon, you’ll be more than just a wife.

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7 Comments

Filed under Worries

7 responses to “On Having a Life

  1. Em

    Yes, girlfriend. I really have nothing to add because I agree w/ you 300%. Fantastic post :)

  2. ….aaaaand whoever wrote that didn’t enjoy their wedding as much. Also, if you want to keep planning, you can do mine (IF) I get married..

  3. neimanmarxist

    lol. well said amy. you know, wedding planning ate my whole life and it was all I did for about 6 months, i felt (I definitely wasn’t writing my diss then! lol) and I didn’t enjoy it the way you do. so WAY TO HAVE A BLOG about your crafty wedding planning. I think it’s awesome.

    poster is not entirely incorrect in that it is kind of a common phenomenon that people are sad after the wedding- I was sad after mine even though I hated planning it! haha. I didn’t have a wedding to look forward to anymore :( and I was never going to wear the dress again :( but it’s not like you’re going to be depressed, you’re just going to miss looking forward to your wedding!

    why do people use formspring? when I have a question for a blogger, I just ask it!

  4. Bravo, sooo well said…!!!

  5. lynn and mike

    love the website and can’t wait for the wedding
    we will take special note of all your work on the
    invitations…..

    So.. I know you’re a freaky organized person! Uhm wonder where you got that from? Great answer to the life after wedding planning question. You didn’t swear once!!
    Dad

  6. Pingback: A Post for Sharing « Little Miss Wedding Planner

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