This morning’s guest post comes from Kelly, otherwise known as KJPugs. Ok, you guys? Seriously? This is girl is, in a word, awesome-sauce. If you don’t already read her blog or follow her on Twitter, you better get to it, because she is so much fun. I’m so honored she could post for me, as she is quickly becoming one of my favorite blog friends! Thanks so much, Kelly…you rule.
I was thrilled thrilled thrilllllled when Amy asked me to do a guest post for her blog! She’s one of my fave bloggers, (and WORDPRESS gals!) has the most amazing, traffic-stopping smile, and I’m really jazzed that she’s getting married. Although right now as you read this, I guess she’s ALREADY married. Ahh, Marriage. Let’s just jump in, shall we?
There wasn’t that much of a difference in how we felt after we got married. Maybe some of you guys felt different, but the weirdest thing was just switching to saying "my Husband." The point is, not much changed when we got married last March. Except this awesome (but tiny) feeling of settled satisfaction – just a liiiittttlllle bit smug – almost a sense of well-being. But it’s not this all-encompassing fairy-tale feeling. Just a tiny warm little buzz, like a sip of caffeine.
Even though marriage is awesome, my hubby (B aka Big Daddy) and I know we still have to constantly work on our relationship. It’s like a living, breathing thing and we have to treat it accordingly. Sometimes it’s sick, sometime it’s a Kenyan kicking everyone’s butt in a triathlon. I’m not writing here to give you the impression that Big Daddy and I are crazy relationship experts though. No, far from it! We are both stubborn, hot-tempered people and tend to have random blow-outs where we scream over things that are so stupid, we laugh about them the next day – if we can even remember them. We aren’t authorities on marriage. But we’ve improved and grown our marriage nonetheless.
One of the things that I really enjoyed doing was reading the famous The Five Love Languages book. My friend who I call my "Twinner" told me about her and her hubby’s love languages. It put the idea of the book in my head. Then right after we got back from our honeymoon, we celebrated my birthday. The day before, our car had issues. The day after, we had to buy a new car and I sacrificed mine for the trade in, accepting B’s financially upside-down, unreliable Jeep as my new vehicle. Because of all the expenses, we agreed no gifts for my birthday.
And what did I get? No gifts. Or cards. Or flowers. Or anything. Ask B, and he’ll tell you about the great big hug he gave me, and the dinner we went to. But I realized gifts – even just a card – were important to me, and decided to take the Love Languages quiz online. Turns out, Receiving Gifts was my love language (score of 11) followed by Words of Affirmation (9), Quality Time (5), Physical Touch (4), and Acts of Service (1).
I bought the book and made B take the quiz. That complex guy got a three-way tie. He scored an 8 each in Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, and Quality Time. Then he scored a measly 3 each in Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts. I begged him to re-take it or read the descriptions and pick a main language, but B couldn’t choose – they all fit him equally. Looks like I have my work cut out for me.
We’ve done a great job affirming each other in the four or five months since we discovered the book. And B realized that little notes or cards he draws mean the WORLD to me. In fact, he even delivered cupcakes for me and my coworkers one day! I make sure to tell B how much I appreciate his hard work, and try to plan things for us to do, like taking the dogs to the park, when we have days off together.
You tend to GIVE love in the language you wish to receive it in. It’s easy to tell your partner "I NEED GIFTS DARN IT!" But it’s hard to step out of your language comfort zone. While I try to use B’s love languages, I continue to give B "gifts," which he does appreciate. When we got a little money from our wedding celebration in my home state, I decided it would be best used getting him a new computer- even though I would have loved to plan a trip back home for a cousin’s wedding. He really needed the computer, and deserved it as well. He was trilled- but a back massage after a long day would mean just as much to him, as far as my "giving him love" goes. I guess a computer can’t give you a back rub!
This book drastically improved our understanding of one another. Which might have added to that great "settled satisfaction" feeling. The other part of that feeling though, is being a unit and a team. We feel so solid, and it’s great making decisions together and feeling less like we’re "playing house." But the thing that made me realize this solidarity with B was when a family member of his got married unexpectedly. She has made a lot of selfish decisions, but getting married when only one of the family members could attend pushed it to another level. Asking for gifts after practically eloping didn’t help her case. And she married someone who she has really changed herself for. Being able to look at her situation, and know we are proud of how we got married, and how family-oriented we are, makes us stronger. Knowing I didn’t have to change for B makes me feel even more assured.
And then eventually, we’ll get Mexican take-out and I’ll complain too much about how he ate more than half of our chips that we’ll end up not talking to each other. Until we end up laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. You gotta accept each others’ flaws, people!
I don’t claim to be perfect. Only happy.
(Oh and in case you’re like who the heck is this chick, I’m Kelly aka kjpugs. I blogged my wedding over at Miss Pug’s Pawfect Wedding, and now blog my awkwardness at kjpugs: Ordinary in Indiana. Please visit me and enjoy! Oh and if you’re a tweeter, you can reach me on there as well @kjpugs.)